Categorized | Features, Boomer Haiku

Life Lessons From My Corkscrew, Doorknob And Other Inanimate Objects

Photo: Roxanne believes there are lessons to be learned from the common corkscrew.

By Roxanne Jones

We’ve all seen ’em: those “listicles” that impart wisdom (“All I Need to Know About Life…”) gleaned from dogs, cats, cows, the Easter bunny, toddlers and the like. Life lessons, it seems, are everywhere if you just pay attention.

So, fellow baby boomers, as a believer in the adage that we’re never to old to learn something new, I started looking around and — eureka! — I discovered even inanimate objects around the house have something to teach us. To wit:

Door Knob

lIf you’re dirty, people can catch stuff from touching you.

If you’re slippery, people can’t get a firm grasp of you.

When you won’t budge, you can’t get anyplace.

Coffee Table

Unless you set them straight, some people will try to use you in inappropriate ways.

Some people will leave marks on you if you don’t protect yourself.

The more stuff you pile on, the messier things get.

Nail

When you don’t deal with things head on, you’re unlikely to get the result you want. If you get rusty, it’s harder to do even the simplest things.

If you get bent out of shape, it’s hard to fulfill your purpose.

Fork

Sometimes you have to push really hard to get what you want.

If you push too hard, however, you can break apart the object of your desire.

When you bite off more than you can chew, it makes you look piggy.

Key

Don’t insert yourself where you don’t belong.

You don’t fit in everywhere, and that’s okay.

Even when you do fit in, sometimes things just don’t turn out the way you expected.

You know you’re in the right place when things just click.

Tape

When you’re strong, people rely on you to hold things together.

Sometimes you have to tear off pieces of yourself to do your job.

Stick-to-itiveness is an essential quality for succeeding at just about anything.

Trash Can

People will fill you with all sorts of garbage if you let them (especially in an election year).

It’s important to empty yourself of crap on a regular basis.

Sometimes people throw good stuff your way without even knowing it.

Paint Brush

You deliver the best results when someone knows how to work with you.

It shouldn’t matter what color you work with.

When you lay it on thick, it’s hard to trust you.

Bookends

Sometimes we need help to remain upright.

Just a little support can make all the difference in your ability to maintain your balance or position.

You might be surprised at how much information you can hold.

Rug

If you just lie there, people will walk all over you.

Sometimes you need a good shaking (figuratively speaking) to get rid of crap you’re holding on to.

You can fray at the edges if you don’t take care of yourself.

It’s okay to let others care for you when you can’t do it yourself.

Toilet

Some people see you as a fixture in their lives and take you for granted.

There’s a limit to how much shit you can take.

If people piss all over you in public, don’t assume they’ll treat you any better in private.

Picture/Artwork on Wall

Don’t set yourself too high or you’ll look ridiculous.

If you’re a little off-kilter, it can drive some people crazy and they’ll be forever trying to straighten you out.

Not everyone will appreciate you, but know that you have your own unique beauty.

Balsamic Vinegar

The more you age, the sweeter and more full-bodied you are.

For some people, you’re an acquired taste.

When you’re the real deal, others may try to imitate you.

And the everyday object that’s taught me more lessons than just about anything (since I use it with such regularity):

Corkscrew

You have the ability to open up a whole new way of looking at things.

We come in various shapes, sizes and colors, but we all fundamentally work the same way.

Just because you pay more for something doesn’t necessarily mean it works any better than a less-expensive version.

When it comes to getting a job done, the simplest approach is often the best.

Just because you’re not always needed doesn’t mean you don’t have value.

The phrase “It’s all in the wrist” applies to a lot of things.

If it takes batteries to get the job done, that’s okay.

If you start thinking you’re better than anyone else, someone will likely remind you that you’re a tool.

Screw-offs will never make you obsolete.

Practice makes perfect.

I think the wisdom we can find in everyday objects comes down to a variation on the theme of “When the student is ready, the teacher appears,” inspiring this haiku:

You’d be amazed at

what thoughts can fill your mind when

you keep it open.

What about you? What life lessons — from the ridiculous to the sublime—do you think inanimate objects can impart?

Roxanne Jones writes Boomer Haiku (www.boomerhaiku.com), a blog that takes a mostly light-hearted and often irreverent look at life as a baby boomer as we move through midlife and beyond. She earns her living as a freelance copywriter specializing in health and medicine. Follow her on Twitter,
@RoxJonesWriter

©Copyright 2015. Boomer boHaiku, LLC. All rights reserved.

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